By Lurinda Vollmer
A moment I witnessed.
Before I share this, there are a few things you need to know.
1. I will not be putting anyone’s name in this blog.
2. I understand that there are different perspectives in the industry as well as values – these are clearly mine.
Let’s start here.
I was invited to an event by a friend of mine, this was a business event where there was a main speaker and obviously with every event – they try to sell you something. I’m super aware of this aspect and also very open with what they sell. I don’t pretend to know everything so I’m always open to opportunities but being in the industry a little while, I’m more curious about how they sell to you.
If you push me – it’s a no.
If you put me down – it’s a no.
If you try to twist my words and pain point market me – it’s a no.
If I say no – it’s a no. Full stop. No need to justify unless you specifically ask me from curiosity because I’m open to sharing.
I wanted to get that out.
I don’t come across it very often anymore because I choose safe coaches to work with and associate myself with. Coaches who truly understand the value of safety and work with integrity. Coaches who value their clients more than money.
This event showed me the other side of the coaching industry.
The side I hadn’t seen with my own eyes in a while because I actively chose not to be involved.
From the very start, I felt belittled by how I showed up. The way I dressed specifically because I was in my jeans, my black boots (new ones too, thank you very much.), a white top and my relaxed blazer – nice right? I think so too. But, for many people appearances mean a lot to them and have an attachment to their identity. The way this was communicated was “I see some of you are not dressed as your higher selves today” and walked up and down the aisle looking down at everyone.
One thing you have to understand about me – I’m not into showing off through my clothes, I don’t dress to impress you, I dress to impress me. My clients don’t work with me because of how I dress, they work with me because of how I show up.
I mean, if I dressed poorly I’m sure that would throw people off but I digress.
I dress like me.
For the first time in a long time, I know who I am, I really like who I am (minus a tantrum or two now and then). But when comments are made around “You’re not dressing to your higher self.” That felt gross.
But I thought – whatever, maybe it’s me and I’ll continue to be open.
Before I continue, I want you to know there’s a reason I’m sharing this with you.
You’re obviously scrolling and stalking SAC, maybe you’re thinking “is this for me?”
A big part of SAC is safety, openness, listening and inviting – not pushing our clients. The next part of this was the reason I need to share this. It didn’t feel like an invitation, it felt like a push, it felt like pain point marketing and it felt ick.
When it came to objection handling, what I witnessed was a vulnerable woman, choosing to not invest right now due to some heavy personal reasons and instead of leaning back, seeing the emotions this woman was feeling – it was a push forward.
It was a break in safety in order to prove that she could sell to anyone.
It was choosing to push instead of listen. It was choosing making money over seeing a woman who wants more for herself but physically not able to say yes right now. It was a moment where I thought “This is wrong.”
Is that the reason I’m not a millionaire? Awesome, take my money because that is something I refuse to do.
Am I a good sales person? I honestly didn’t care at this point.
This person running the event was on the stage selling to this woman, doing the typical sales script and pushing this client to tears. There were multiple times this woman said “I just can’t do it right now.” After pushing and pushing, she finally sat down on the stage so she was eye level and continued to push. Yes, most of the objection handling was down whilst she stood on stage looking down.
It wasn’t out of curiosity, it was out of performance.
She wanted that sale in front of the crowd.
She wanted to be the coach that ran a free event and made thousands of dollars.
She wanted to be the leader for female coaches.
She didn’t treat this woman as a woman.
It was a moment in my body that I felt shock, discomfort and flighty as hell. I wanted to leave, I even messaged my partner about how I felt.
The thing is – I needed to go to this event for myself. I’ve been quite comfortable in my little corner of the world, with people that feel extremely safe to me and allowing myself to just sit in the comfort of using my voice with people I care about. What I need to do is see the other side of personal development right now and use my voice to say that it’s not okay.
It’s not okay to push someone to tears and fear in a sales pitch.
It’s not okay to be superior by making others feel inferior.
It’s not okay to stand on stage and make people feel bad for not buying your product.
That shows me more about you than it does me.
I haven’t necessarily shared my opinions because my intention is never to hurt anyone but by not standing up for what I believe in, people are getting hurt.
This is why I work with clients who are ready to say yes, I invite them into my world and if it’s a no – then it’s a no.
Shadow Alchemy doesn’t take everyone because we value integrity, we value coaches who want more for their clients not just to make money (you can make money that’s in alignment with integrity, we are not performative coaches).
Now, I’m choosing to write this as a step forward into my own authority, my own voice and as a promise to myself that I will stand up for what I believe in. This will come from being an authentic support coach continuing to hone and refine my skills, this will come from doing my own work, my own embodiment and meeting more edges, this will come from speaking up.
This is your reminder, a successful coach isn’t someone who makes a lot of money in their business – a successful coach is someone who chooses to lead from a place of integrity, to see the person in front of them as just that, a person.
