By Lurinda Vollmer
and doing this work made that “holy shit” moment easier.
If you’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, you may know what this oh shit moment is.
It’s the “Oh, I’m not crazy and I actually have a different brain.” Or like “wow, now I see my entire life differently and it just…makes sense.”
I came into Shadow Work September 2023, my beautiful partner suggested to me in the December (as calmly as possible)… “You need to go get assessed.”
Honestly, this is hilarious – it went like this.
“You need to go get assessed.”
Me: “Why? I don’t see an issue?”
Him standing there looking at me whilst there’s ten things I’ve started but hadn’t finished…because I’d forgotten. “Babe, do I really need to explain?”
I remember sighing and thinking I’ll do it and show I don’t have ADHD.
A week later…
I booked in with my psych that I’d had been seeing for a little while to help with my transition back into my relationship (we had separated for two years.), sitting down and going “so, I’ve been asked to get assessed.”
She was a hilarious woman and just down to Earth, her response….
“Oh, we’re finally going to talk about it….”
You’re telling me that people were aware of it but I was completely unaware? Like I seriously just thought that your mind races, the people forget a lot, that it was normal to have 1000 tabs open… but it’s not?
The thing is, deep down I knew there was something because I came into this work and saw/felt the growth but I was still needing to regulate… A LOT.
I was like a grenade with the pin about to pull all the time, I’d do the embodiment, the breathing, the journaling but I always felt like on the cusp of an explosion.
By April 2024 (I think, don’t quote me) I was diagnosed and medicated with ADHD.
Holy shit – I have ADHD.
One, I was really annoyed that my other half was right. (love ya)
Second, no one was surprised because it actually made a lot of sense.
The thing is, during our Advanced Certification we did some learnings on neurodiversity and I realised that I kinda had a moment, a passing moment. Not a huge moment, not a re-evaluating life moment.
I realised that prior to being diagnosed, I was already starting to learn and accept more parts of me. That I wasn’t broken, that those parts of me weren’t wrong.
They were just here.
So, I got diagnosed with ADHD (also PMDD but we’ll come back to that later) and just moved on with life. I didn’t shame myself, or my childhood or even my parents because I’d learnt that every part of me was just me.
I didn’t feel angry, or even sad.
I felt acceptance.
I bring that down to a few things.
- My partner for being patient AF.
- Shadow Alchemy and its huge value of acceptance.
- My ability to take the teachings of SAC and life, and instead of turning this chapter into shame – it was just a new finding of who I am.
So…
So, maybe you have been diagnosed with something and gone “holy shit” – that’s okay. Maybe you had big moments, big feelings and that’s okay too. Just know that reading this, you are accepted as you. Every part of you is here for a reason, to protect you, to express your true self.
Inside Shadow Alchemy, I’ve never felt more at home to just be myself whatever season that is (yes, including my hot mess season).
Maybe, you’re suspecting you have ADHD and I want you to know it’s okay to be diagnosed, it’s okay to get help, it’s okay to be medicated.
Whatever your path – it’s yours.
